I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
