i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
