i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
