So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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