best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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