I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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