i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
