I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
