I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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