You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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