Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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