I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
