I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
