Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize