dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
