I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
