I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
