I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
