we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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