Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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