i already hear my dad disowning me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
