Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
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