Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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