office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
