My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
