I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
