I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
