the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
