Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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