girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
