You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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