i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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