You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
