ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
