Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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