she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
