Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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