He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
