she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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