i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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