Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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