That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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