similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize