woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I want is dick and wine.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
