No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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