Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
