I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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