I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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