My nipple is on Facebook.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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