your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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