Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
