sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Please don't give away my fajitas
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