U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
