he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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