It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
