It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
