Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did I show you my penis last night?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
