tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
