We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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