So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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