I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
