there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
