nut hugger
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
