wanna go halves on a baby?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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