i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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