Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
