Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize