If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
