btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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