I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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