what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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