I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
