he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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