I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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