the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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