Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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