dude i'm inner monologue high
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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