I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dear god my vagina.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
