my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
