i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
