I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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