Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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