are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
