Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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