I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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