you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
