Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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