dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
