You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
