in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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