Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
