if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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