Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
