Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
