i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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