Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize