get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
