This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
