i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
