My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
