Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
