everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
