There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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