why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sext me about skeletons
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
