he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
