You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize