I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
