He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you traded sex for a burrito?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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