Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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